Friday, January 9, 2009

personal issues...

I was wondering if I could seek some council from you guys on an issue I've realized has been somewhat of a problem for many years. Its only recently, with some spiritual "awakenings," have I come to meet it head on:

As you guys probably know, I am scatter-brained, probably ADD (ok, lets be realistic, ADHD) and tend to find myself in the midst of around a dozen different projects, almost exclusively musical in nature. Now, in a lot of ways, I celebrate this part of my personality and M.O. if you will, but as I have been doing a lot more meditating and such, I've come to a serious "question wall."

In many ways, finding a more zen-like state of being seems to be one more relaxed and "slower-paced way." Now, when I reach these states, I definitely get a taste of nirvana, and most assuredly experience bliss. But, my problem is that this is in many ways completely against my nature (fast=paced, all over the place, etc)

So I think I am need of some sort of koan, that perhaps one of you have kept deep in your psyche. How do I accommodate this precarious situation? How can I hold on to the tree-branching style of living while also finding my center?

Granted, I understand this is a personal battle I ultimately have to surmount on my own, but I was curious if you guys have had similar issues. Please feel free to share. This is the internet, for god's sake, and big brother knows all the facts anyway, so why not spout some abstraction for him too!


jcox3000 said...

As someone who has had extensive experience with your personal quirks, I would say that another one (which I share in a big way) is trying to generalize. I experience a similar dichotomy that often relate to night and day. In the day, I want to eat right, practice, exercise, stretch, etc. and in the night time, I want to smoke pot, drink, smoke 'rettes, gorge myself on fried food, etc. It is hard, because you idealize people that represent both, the Stevie Wonder and Tom Waits within us all. However, I don't think that the problem is one of the personalities or the other, I think the problem is feeling like you have to be all one or all the other. The ADD part of you is passionate and excitable and the other side experiences a whole other side to life that is more thoughtful and introspective. Rarely is anything one way or the other, just like any given war has right and wrong on both sides. Or whatever. Basically, I'm just saying that you and life are both complex and in trying to simplify, you may be missing some really important shit. Just appreciate both personalities while their there.

Jamison said...

jeremy - i can always count on you to see deeper and farther than most. thanks for the perspective ... your comment makes me think of kenny werner discussing the wonderful dichotomy of sound being both sensual and spiritual- "that feels good.... thank you!"
i guess through our music, our art, our lives we are constantly finding more meaningful modes of expression and experience. fuck'n a!