Monday, April 27, 2009
an april treatise
Taking long walks in the rain. Deciding that the rain is not assaulting me, but caressing me. April can be great practice. Rain can be beautiful tactilly, sonically, and visually. I tried to listen to everything on the outside and quiet the voice on the inside that vacillated between a running commentary of what I was experiencing and my inner voice singing "Ooh, Baby Baby" by Smokey Robinson. The sound of trains and cars swishing through puddles, the sound of drops hitting my coat lapel, random bits of conversation - all of it motion. Then my inner voice started recalling wave length. One size creates light, another size produces sound, another is radio waves, another is atomic vibration, another is a second, another is a year, another is a millenia. When I looked hard at the lights I saw, I could hear a pitch - somewhere, somehow. Not a pitch you can recreate with the voice, but a vibration that can be heard in the eyes. I don't think it was synethesia. I'm not gifted in that way. After a long walk in the rain, I got to a show. It was improvised dance and music. Unfortunately, I take that shit seriously and have very high expectations. I couldn't feel the communication between the dancers and the musicians. The musicians were playing and the dancers were moving to a soundtrack. I could not sense dialogue or communication. Or love. Everyone seemed very talented and maybe that worked against them. Screechy apocalyptic noises and me having to FIGHT not to fall asleep. Of course, I also credit the Mexican food with making me a little sleepy, but the performance didn't help. There is a part of me that appreciates the creative process and adores the risks involved in experimental improvisation. There is another part of me that wants to be moved by the expression of others. That part craves the creation of a contemporary mythology in art and needs work that inspires me - not just to create, but to get out of bed in the morning, to have faith in life and love and the passionate pursuit of whatever the fuck you pursue. It's a lot to put on myself and it is a lot to expect from other performers. I get it. But seriously. Isn't that what this is all about?