birthday thoughts

Well shit. Looks like there will be another one lingering around this train one more time one more year. I've passed the finish line yet again. Seems to always happen around the same time. 

As long as the door slams behind me and not in front I'm a content little muchacho. 

Tonight was Taco Night and that was a good thing. Who knows what tomorrow has in my store. Shouldn't sell it anything anyway anyhow inie not an outie. How aboutie that. 

The grays are making more since these days hovering up there like slender breeze dancers. You can taunt me all you want but I've still got some blond on my side. Got some on my top. My top that tops my top. It's light like the sunny rain, whatever that means.

I guess being old means I can be mean. 

Sweet.

natal chart

just got a natal chart done - thought id post some excerpts (from the first half) that I felt resonated pretty deeply. I'm hoping to eventually get a professional chart done in the future. I'm curious about the actual "chart" that involves the circle with lines (an oversimplified description) because mine has very few lines in it and the descriptions seem very close, yet ellen's had shit tons of lines and didn't seem especially close. wonder if there is any significance. anyway, heres some of the info:

Virgo rising:
dishevelled in a studied way. You appear younger than your actual age or at least your eyes themselves. This could be because you are quite health-conscious.
preoccupation with things being "just so" characterized by an ongoing criticism of what is happening around you. it would be better to identify quite what that part is, and look after it, rather than wind up feeling totally isolated and allergic to life's unavoidable impurities. also, you can appear to be watching ever slightest move or detail. you attract sensitive or creative types who possibly require your subtle attentiveness.

Sun: Sagittarius
Your essential purpose in life is to further and discover more about whatever it is that you regard as important. To enable you to accomplish this you are very able to grasp the whole meaning of any subject that appeals to your sizable enthusiasm. There is always a danger of running away with yourself and over-looking details, as you get carried along by your zest and full-blown opinions. However, because you are a good manager of things and know how to get the best out of people and circumstances, you have probably equipped yourself with something or someone that keeps you grounded by practical considerations. Some kind of goal, vision or belief is of paramount importance in making sense of your life and use of your prolific nature.
You also, in an impersonal way, like to create friction for it gives you the feeling that things are on the move. Yours is probably the most positive sign for the simple reason that you see life as an opportunity. So it doesn't matter too much how difficult the road ahead may look, it is still a road - and roads go places!

Moon in Gemini:
Your reigning need is to feel constantly in touch with what is going on around you. Equally, you have a natural sense of what is happening at street level so to speak. Such a common touch as you have, and the ready wits and gift of the gab that accompany it, you are only too able to keep things light and manageable. That is, until your emotional responses to life around you become inappropriately superficial. You then find what you are doing on either a personal or professional level ceases to have enough permanence or depth of satisfaction - and is therefore worrying you to death and keeping you awake at nights.
The formula that 'you only get as good as you give' is a very apt one for you. An important point in your development is when you consciously commit yourself to a deeper involvement with whatever life is demanding of you and then trust your mental alacrity and your ability to dodge and weave when necessary, in order to negotiate the tricker reefs of human interplay.

Mercury in Sagittarius
Your mind is searching for a meaning to life and it wants to be employed in a meaningful way. You perceive things with an eye for opportunity and have an enthusiastic way of expressing yourself verbally - although you can say a but too much on occasions! You have a broad grasp of general life issues and cultural trends that can sometimes cause you to overlook details and mistake opinions for facts. Your vibrant mentality should avoid occupations that make you feel confined or restless and should instead pursue situations which involve travel and/or variety and that have some social significance.

Come Back Around

What once was lost is now no longer needed
What once was missed is now simply remembered
Today I awake feeling that something is different
Nothing has changed, but something is different.

The lightness of the spring-in-summer morning is everything to me
I require nothing! I need nothing more than what is immediately given
Satisfaction is implicit in my smile - words can't touch it
Let me breathe in the clouds and be done with it

Right now, I can love anyone that confronts me-
The homeless guy by the train station,
The convenient store clerk on his cell phone,
The girl coming out of the bathroom with a her "face" on,
The woman yelling profanities from the bus stop across the street,
The Mexican man pushing the jingling jangling fruit cart,
Those who have insulted me,
Those who have scorned me,
Those who make me feel small,
Those whom I am indifferent to,
The legions of everyone else that I try to avoid-
Come to me! Let me touch your face! I will love you now!
I couldn't before, but now, right now, I can! Let me bless you!

And so the day begins. Spring will give way to summer and fall.
The feelings may pass like every day,
But that does not invalidate the sincerity of this morning,
It is not less for being impermanent.

an open letter to the rest of the planet

I don't KNOW a whole hell of a lot - certainly not a lot that I would try to convince others of. What little I do know applies more to myself and my situation than anything else. I find it a bit presumptuous when others try to force their bibles or prophets on me, or when they force their agendas on me. I am not a huge fan of government interference and I am not a huge fan of activists that try to curb government interference; it's a personal thing. It just does not make sense to me to live in a such a reactionary way. Why would you want to be an activist? It seems as though you are simply providing the head with which to beat against the wall. Of course, I am glad that there are activists (try not to make sense of all these statements together). Someone needs to be the head and someone needs to be the wall. Sometimes incremental change is even made. I find the protests in Iran inspiring. I love to see such passion! I like to see people speaking out against our own country's wars as well, but I would rather see soldiers putting down their guns or just not joining the damn military in the first place! I would rather see politicians that think about the consequences of their decisions and are not so fool hardy and easily whipped into some sort of xenophobic fervor. But that's life, you know? I'm not going to freak out about it and I probably won't lose sleep over it. I try not to say things like "we're at war", because I'm not at war. At least not in Iraq or Afghanistan. There is only so much I can do about someone electronically taking numbers out of my "account" and using that to kill people. After all, I'm not really that great with computers. It doesn't make sense to me to "fight the war" or "fight for peace" any more than it makes sense to "fight cancer" or "fight poverty". For me, these go hand in hand with "conquering nature" and "conquering space" or "fighting wrinkles" or "killing bacteria". To a certain extent, I would even lump in "freedom isn't free". Fuck if it isn't! If freedom isn't free, then NOTHING is free! I don't need soldiers or war for my freedom! Give me a break with that line of shit! "The fight for peace"... I almost would not even share these feelings, because I would not really want to change anyone's mind one way or the other. After all, I am just a 26 year old guy with a little bit of shoddy public education. I would not presume to know much more than anyone else. I am excited about being alive today, though. And I am a very happy person. I do not generally take things too personally and I only get worked up about trivial stuff that I want to get worked up about because it's fun and interesting. I have an idea about my field of influence and it does not extend to the Middle East (if such a place even exists!), so I do not watch the news. I am conscious about what I put into my mouth, ears, and eyes, because I know that processed foods, chemicals, insincere music/tv/movies/books, and most readily accessible information is not going to make my life any better or easier or happier. You could say I am fasting. Do not give me your trivia or your "next great band" or your youtube videos or your wikipedia research. Love it, cherish it, and keep it away from me until it seems relevant. I will let you be the judge on when that is, but do not throw shit at me like some deranged monkey just because you have too much of it in your immediate vicinity. I will try not to do it to you either. I would much rather hear about how your day has been or why you have that grin on your face. Tell me about you and let's acknowledge that we are swimming in subjectivity together. I will even hold your hand and we can be people again and stop being receptacles for recycled and decomposing bits of chatter from the Massive Media. What do you say?