Sunday, June 20, 2010
I have been going on and on to those immediately around me about my fixation on the voices in my head. I aim to stop talking about it soon, because it is really dear and maybe I just need to let it sit in me before wearing it out. However, there is an important point that I want to sit with and that I invite you to sit with. First off, if I haven't talked your ear off about the voices, what I mean when I say "the voices in my head", I am referring to all inner dialogue - the voice narration, the voice that articulates ideas and thoughts, the voice of self-reflection, the voice of doubt and insecurity, the voice that analyzes the other voices, etc. All of it. Even the voice that I am allowing to come through me in typing this post. I have been getting to a point of trying to detach from identifying with these voices. Not that I see them all as malicious, or egoistic, or helpful, or anything. It's just that since they pop up uninvited with fully formed ideas and beliefs of their own, it doesn't seem like they necessarily have my best interest in mind and so far, believing they are me or that their thoughts are mine has frequently led to conflict. This is the point I'm trying to get to. According to a voice that seems reasonable and that upon reflection I choose to agree with, all human conflict appears to be the result of taking what one or more inner voices tell us and identifying with it. The conflict is that other people are doing the same thing. We seem to be complicit in acting as vehicles for the opinions and ideas of something outside of us to the extent that we will defend them in the face of opposition. That's it! That's all conflict breaks down to! To me it seems as though we are cars in a demolition derby and that we've let unknown drivers take control of us, ramming us into each other and creating all sorts of misery. I may have said too much already, so I'll stop here, but I invite you to listen to your own inner voices and see how they respond to all this, consciously observing that "Jeremy" did not necessarily come up with all this and that "you" are not necessarily the one articulating the response.